Three years ago, I wrote this post after one of the most traumatic days of my life. I still think of it as the day everything changed for me. I know it may sound odd to put so much emphasis into one event – one job event at that – but this day – March 27, has been a bit of a life marker for me ever since.
The first year was the hardest. I spent six months unemployed and dealt with the early stages of the pandemic. I lost myself, lost a huge piece of my identity and what I thought I wanted out of life. My girls were home full-time for the first time in their lives. I gained 30 pounds. I spent day after day fighting my depression and looking for answers. I still can’t think of that year without cringing, especially the first six months. The world changed in that time for me, both internally and externally. I am sure so many others felt the same.
The second year started with some hope. On the first anniversary of that day, I received my first dose of the Covid vaccine. I was ecstatic, and held out so much hope that it was the start of something better – and it was. I was still battling my demons, but I had a routine again and started to find some footing. The pandemic was still raging, but there was a light ahead. This is the part where I should say a bit about what we did that year, but honestly, I can’t remember without looking through photos. It really was still a bit of a lost year for me, with things slowly inching toward better.
Last year, I spent the day at Abbie’s very first dance competition, and it felt like such a triumph. I’d reclaimed this day that hurt so much into something joyful. Watching her perform on stage for that first competition was incredible. She’s done many competitions since, but that first one was so special. It really felt like I was moving on and forward. The year went on to include Ella starting kindergarten, my youngest sister’s wedding, and so much joy, love, and celebration.
This year, March 27 was a perfectly ordinary day in the best way. The girls went to school and I picked them up in the afternoon. I spent the day working in a job that has been good to me and has given me the flexibility I need to be able to spend the most time possible with my family. Today feels… healing. I’ve spent so much of the past 6 months or so concentrating on myself again – my health, my mental space, my friendships, and my family. It’s been a long road for me, and it feels good right now.
For the first time in three years, I’m not afraid of the memories of March 27. In fact, I’m looking forward to the next one.
