For as long as I’ve been a mom, I’ve been a working mom. Just like any parenting role, it has its own unique challenges. There are things I just can’t find time for as a working mom. There are activities I can’t make work and things I prioritize above others. Being a parent is often about choices, and I choose what’s most important for me and my family. That means there are things that I just can’t do sometimes, no matter how much I want to. I used to feel bad about them, but as I’ve gotten more into this mom thing, I’ve realized I shouldn’t. These are things I refuse to apologize for.
Having a Messy House. I’ll be honest – by nature, I am not a cleaner. I accumulate clutter like it’s my job, I have a toddler, and we spend roughly 11 hours a day working or commuting. Most weeks, I’m just trying to keep the kitchen clean and the laundry done… so my living room often is a cluttered mess of toys, crayons, and empty water cups. By the time the week ends, I sometimes can’t see my floor in there… but it’s okay. Having a messy house is just part of my life right now. I prioritize what’s important (the kitchen and the laundry) and do what I can on the weekends. It’s just the season I’m in.
Saying no to events/get-togethers during the week. Don’t send me an invitation for girls night out on a Wednesday night. Just don’t do it, especially on short notice. I get that you want to include me, and I really do appreciate it… but if you really wanted to make sure I’m there, you’d have it on a weekend. You see, my day isn’t over at the end of the workday. At the end of the workday, I still have to get home, get dinner on the table, get my daughter to bed, and prepare everything for the next day. At the end of the workday, I have to go prepare for the next one. So if you invite me out during the week, I will send regrets 95% of the time.
Taking the day off but still bringing the kids to daycare. I know this may sound a little crazy. Why would I send Abbie to daycare when I take the day off? Well, don’t you want a day off sometimes? If I have childcare available to me, why would I take Abbie to my doctor’s appointment? Why would I take her on errands I could get done much faster without her? The other thing – I’m still paying for it. Since I pay for daycare by the week, I still pay even if I keep her home. So sometimes… she goes to daycare while I get a day to myself. She thrives on routine so it’s good for her, I get a break so it’s good for me. We both win.
Not sending their kids to preschool or fancy day activities. There was a period of time over the summer and the beginning of the school year that I felt I couldn’t look at facebook without seeing a million posts about preschool, swim classes, gymnastics, and other fun things that happen during the day. For a while, I felt a little sad I wasn’t able to send Abbie to any of them. I’d love for her to have the time to do those things… but it just isn’t feasible for us, and I don’t want to spend my days regretting my choices. If it changes in the future, great, but for now – it is what it is.
Having No-Cook Nights. We leave the house around 7am every morning and don’t get home until about 6:30 most evenings. When I get home, I don’t relax – I go straight into dinner prep. I try to plan easier dinners that are fast… but sometimes, I just can’t do it. Sometimes, we have scrambled eggs or sandwiches for dinner, and we’re all just fine. Everyone needs a break once in a while and a few “jump up” dinners aren’t going to hurt.
If you’re a mom, working or not, what do you refuse to apologize for?
Yeah, my house is a mess, and I don’t have kids. You are not alone on that, haha. I just don’t have the motivation to clean my house every day when I get home from work.
Loved this! My house is a mess with crayon paintings on the walls..I sometimes give my kids box mac and cheese because it’s easier sometimes and they love it. I am a stay at home mom and I still say no to going out on a weekday with friends because like you said our days are not over until the kids go to sleep and sometimes is still not over.
Yes! So much of this applies to SAHMs too!
This so much! I say no to things during the week all the time. I don’t feel bad because my kids get up at 5 and we have to be ready to leave by 6. This means my kids are in bed by 7:30 – every single night. We don’t have time to stay up late and still get everything done that needs to be done!
Girl, sometimes I can’t even keep my eyes open when I’m putting Abbie to bed! Weeknights are just not okay for nights out!
yes to all of these things! Great list
Amen!! You are an amazing working mama! We have a lot of “no cook nights” and my house will be a disaster until my children go to college and that’s OK with me! 🙂
Thanks girl – you are too!
Oh, and Abbie saw your snap of the kids running around your playroom and said “Look at all the toys! Abbie go play?” Guess she wants us to visit you, haha!
I’m not a mom yet, but I agree with you. All mom’s need a day off sometimes, and no mom should feel guilty if their house isn’t spotless. If a house is lived in, it’s going to look that way.
AMEN!!!!!!!! I just texted my group of girlfriends that I can’t do a date night this week because I’m tired! Haha!! There’s no way I’m working all day, getting the kids ready for bed THEN going out. Not a chance. I’ll do brunch on the weekends, but week nights are like a tornado in our house! We do chicken tenders and canned green beans more than I’d like to admit. Or frozen pizza. And I used Plated, but even that’s a crapshoot if I have time. Thank you for posting this! It’s so hard when the people around you aren’t in the same boat…it’s tough to not compare, but I am pretty sure we are all kicking ass because you have to in order to be a mom. 🙂
It really is. I feel like sometimes it’s hard to talk about what being a working mom is like because of the mommy wars. I know things are challenging in different ways for everyone – so let’s celebrate and overcome ALL the challenges!
Thank you so much for this post! I just went back to work last week and find myself struggling to get everything done or giving myself a break sometimes and I need to continue to remind myself to take a break or give myself some grace!
Yes! It’s okay to not do it all. If your kids are happy and healthy, the rest… well, you just do what you can. Good luck with being back at work, it’s an adjustment for sure!
I stay home and my house is still a mess! Ha! Any home with children is rarely clean. 😉 Great post!
This couldn’t have come a better time! Great post and site! I found you on FB GYB page. Let me know if you’d like to collaborate, be a guest writer with links back to your blog (or vice versa), or get together to do a giveaway with some other bloggers, just support each other in some way. My site is http://www.4hourbodygirl.com.
All the best,
Thank you! I may take you up on that – if you have something specific in mind, send me an email at email@example.com! 🙂
It is near impossible to get everything done in a day that needs to get done. My focus goes only to the kids first and foremost and then to the house and everything else.
This post resonates so much with me right now! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Loved this article…this is something I also believe in. It’s totally perfect to let go of certain things and take life a little easily. Being a working parent is not an easy feat. I also face the same problems and tackle them in a similar way like you.