Alright guys, bear with me a second here. I’m a bit emotional today and what is my little place on the internet for if not for my crazy irrational emotions, am I right? (You know you get emotional too).
So, today I’m on my way to a conference in Indianapolis. I’m an advisor for a local chapter of my sorority, and I’m headed to a leadership conference today. I won’t be home until Saturday evening.
I know (logically), that I should be excited, and I am. The thing is, this is the first time I’ve been away from Abbie for more than overnight. When I originally made plans to do this trip, I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. Now? I am just so sad about it – more so that I would have thought possible. Last time I went on a trip, I was only a drive away. This time? A plane ride away.
There’s also the fact that I haven’t been on a plane in over 5 years. I know it’s stupid, but I’m really anxious about it. I know people fly all the time, it’s perfectly safe, it shouldn’t be a big deal, all of that. I’m still anxious, and I don’t think I’ll feel normal again until I’m home on Saturday.
But more than that, my heart just hurts right now. Because I already miss her, and I left this morning before she was even awake. I was crying while putting her to bed last night. She’s not going to understand why I’m gone, when I’m coming back, why I’m not there for bedtime or to do her hair or play with her new blocks or color with her.
Chris took these two days off to spend time with Abbie and his parents, so I know she’s in the best possible hands. He’s an amazing dad. It just doesn’t make it feel any less sad to me. I feel like I’m leaving my heart here, with this little girl I love more than anything… but I guess that’s what motherhood is about, right?
I know there are way more trying things that mothers have to deal with. I know there are things that are harder, moms that have to be away more, all sorts of things. I just never thought about how sad something that used to be so simple could be. Before Abbie, it would’ve been hard to leave Chris or my family for a trip, but now, it’s like a giant piece of me is missing, and it’s so much harder.
Thanks for bearing with me, if you’re still reading; if you’ve ever been really sad about leaving your kids for a few days… well, just know that you’re not alone.