Emotional Mommy, Party of One

Alright guys, bear with me a second here. I’m a bit emotional today and what is my little place on the internet for if not for my crazy irrational emotions, am I right? (You know you get emotional too).

So, today I’m on my way to a conference in Indianapolis. I’m an advisor for a local chapter of my sorority, and I’m headed to a leadership conference today. I won’t be home until Saturday evening.

I know (logically), that I should be excited, and I am. The thing is, this is the first time I’ve been away from Abbie for more than overnight. When I originally made plans to do this trip, I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. Now? I am just so sad about it – more so that I would have thought possible. Last time I went on a trip, I was only a drive away. This time? A plane ride away.

There’s also the fact that I haven’t been on a plane in over 5 years. I know it’s stupid, but I’m really anxious about it. I know people fly all the time, it’s perfectly safe, it shouldn’t be a big deal, all of that. I’m still anxious, and I don’t think I’ll feel normal again until I’m home on Saturday.

But more than that, my heart just hurts right now. Because I already miss her, and I left this morning before she was even awake. I was crying while putting her to bed last night. She’s not going to understand why I’m gone, when I’m coming back, why I’m not there for bedtime or to do her hair or play with her new blocks or color with her.   

Abbie Pink Blocks

Chris took these two days off to spend time with Abbie and his parents, so I know she’s in the best possible hands. He’s an amazing dad. It just doesn’t make it feel any less sad to me. I feel like I’m leaving my heart here, with this little girl I love more than anything… but I guess that’s what motherhood is about, right?

I know there are way more trying things that mothers have to deal with. I know there are things that are harder, moms that have to be away more, all sorts of things. I just never thought about how sad something that used to be so simple could be. Before Abbie, it would’ve been hard to leave Chris or my family for a trip, but now, it’s like a giant piece of me is missing, and it’s so much harder. 

Thanks for bearing with me, if you’re still reading; if you’ve ever been really sad about leaving your kids for a few days… well, just know that you’re not alone.

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About Jess

Jess Beer is a full-time working mom of two girls who writes about motherhood, wellness, easy meals and style.

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6 Responses

  1. Aww! You’ll be okay, I promise. It will good for her to spent 1:1 time with her dad. I know how hard it is, though. I had to leave my oldest son for 8 days when he was 10 months old. I had a trip to Europe with my French classes. I missed him terribly, and I expected a wonderful reunion when I returned, but he looked at me and cried! I really didn’t expect that. I’m sure Abbie will be fine. Will you be able to FaceTime with her?

    1. Thanks so much! We really did fine, especially once I was there. I was actually able to FaceTime and Skype, which helped a lot!

  2. The longest I’ve ever been away from my daughter was 2 nights and I missed her terribly. You are not the only one who goes through these emotions, trust me! As much as an emotional rollercoaster as it may be, I do think it’s good for both parents and kids to have a little bit of time away from each other every so often. Some recharging for us and some bonding time for the kids and their grandparents (or whoever happens to be watching them). Safe travels to you!

    1. That’s exactly why I wanted to write it out – I knew I wasn’t the only one! Thanks for your sweet words!

  3. I can completely relate. The only night I have spent away from Liam was when Finn was born. It was a bit rough on us both, but we made it. I don’t know how people go on week plus vacation sans kids. Perhaps one day I’ll be ready!

I’m Jess! I’m a working mama of two sweet sisters living in the DC area. This is my space to share inspiration, real stories of working motherhood, recipes, style, and more! I can’t start my day without coffee and always try to show the real side of motherhood – the good and the challenging. I’m so glad you’re here – thanks for following along on my journey!

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