For a little while now, Chris and have been talking about having another baby. As Abbie gets older and more independent, it becomes obvious that the time is coming. We’re settled into our house, have a good routine going, and definitely want another child.
The thing is? I’m scared.
I almost feel bad about being scared, because a know the joy and excitement a baby brings. I know from watching Abbie with the babies at daycare that she’ll be an awesome big sister one day. I know there’s enough love to go around, and I know even if it’s tight, we’ll find a way to make it work.
I KNOW all this. I know there’s no reason to be scared, but I am.
I’m scared of having secondary infertility (my mom did). I’m scared of it taking a long time to get pregnant, and I’m scared of getting pregnant immediately. I’m scared of how I’ll handle pregnancy a second time. I’m scared of developing preeclampsia since I had it while in labor with Abbie. I’m scared of the weight I’ll gain. I’m scared of another difficult breastfeeding journey. I’m scared of balancing work, my long commute and two kids. I’m scared of so, so many things. So many unknowns that I can’t control – and I hate not being in control. I can be kind of a control freak.
The thing is, I’ve always been a person that’s adapted to change once it arrives, so I know I can. At the same time, I’m also someone that worries about upcoming changes before they’re even a possibility.
Honestly, it makes me a little sad that I’m scared. This should be exciting – the possibility of a new life, a sibling for Abbie (something I begged for from my parents for years before my first sister was born when I was nine), a new little family member to love.
But to push past that scared feeling? That’s the hardest step, and also the first.
I’ve been having very similar feelings. I seriously could’ve written this post myself (minus the preeclampsia – I was lucky not to have experienced that, but I do still worry that health issues will arise with a future pregnancy). So, know that you are not alone in feeling this way! I am right there with you!
Thank you hon! Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to you!
I totally get your feeling. I struggled with this each time…trying for #2 and #3. It’s so hard to know if it’s going to go well. If the kid(s) will handle it. If your body will handle it. I guess you just have to trust… but it is hard.
I think writing this out really helped me, since we’re now really starting to talk about it – exciting but so scary!
You are being thoughtful about the huge decision that is having another baby and that’s a good thing :-). A time will come when you feel at peace that the time is right for baby #2. Good luck with your decision!
Thanks so much for your sweet words!
I can totally relate. Not sure if you read my blog but we recently went through a ectopic and it has me scared out of my mind now. I know what is meant to be will be but still in scared.
Nikki – I meant to respond to you ages ago. I read through your story and was so heartbroken for you – healing thoughts headed your way. <3
I think it’s a huge thing to go from one child to two so being scared is totally normally. I’m scared that by not having another one that I’m taking something from Connor. A chance at a sibling but I know my limits. I know what I’m capable of. I’m not sure where you stand on your beliefs but I firmly believe that God will place a child in your life or heck, even mine, when He sees fit.
It really is. I’m happy with just Abbie, but I know I want a second… it’s just hard to take that jump.
Yup. You know what, it’s all scary—you’re totally spot on. Even now that I’ve done this twice, we’re thinking about going for a third, and that’s pretty scary, too. However, you’ve gotta just take each day as it comes, since you never know what this next pregnancy/child would bring. Things are always scarier when you just think about them!