I hate feeling like this.

I’m sure you all remember this post.  Writing about what happened to us was one of the best things I ever could have done to heal from our miscarriage, and I’m so glad I did it – you all gave me such support, and I really felt so much better.

The reason I’m bringing it back up is because it still hurts, and I don’t know that I’ll ever fully be okay from it.  I thought I was, but a few recent events brought back all those feelings.

The first was that we found out that good friends of ours recently had a miscarriage as well – but at farther along.  As someone that’s been through a miscarriage, I felt so much compassion for them.  On the other hand, it was really good to share with them and learn from our combined experiences and have reassurance that we’re not alone.  It truly helps to share the pain.

Then today, we found out that other friends of ours are expecting – due a month after we were supposed to be.  I really want to be able to tell you I was happy for them, but I’d be lying.  Unfortunately, that was not my first reaction, but instead it was like a stab in the heart.  I really truly want to be happy for them and where their lives are headed, but it’s hard.  Harder than I thought it would be.  They started trying after us, and I can’t help but have the reaction I had to many things when I was a kid – that it’s not fair.  I feel so juvenile saying that, but what else can I say?  Even if the general public talked about miscarriage more, I’m not sure it would make it easier to deal with.  I don’t know.

I don’t really know what to do with my feelings.  I really want to be able to be happy for our friends, but it’s just too hard right now.  I can’t help but wonder why they can hold on to a pregnancy and we can’t.  I’ve read all the statistics, and I know we’ll likely be just fine, but I can’t help it.  Why us?  Why me?

I wish I knew when it would get better.  Sorry for the depressing post, guys.

About Jess

About Jess

Jess Beer is a full-time working mom of two girls who writes about motherhood, wellness, easy meals and style.

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3 Responses

  1. i completely understand! i will tell you, IT DOES GET BETTER!! it always hits your harder than someone that hasn’t been through a miscarriage, but it’s less painful as time goes on and especially once you’re pregnant again! (it’s always there though) everyone is different of course, but i hope that you get some good news for yourself in the near future!!

  2. I wish I could reach through your computer and hug you. I can’t even imagine how difficult this is and your reaction to a friends’ pregnancy is totally normal. I am so sorry friend, praying for you!

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I’m Jess! I’m a working mama of two sweet sisters living in the DC area. This is my space to share inspiration, real stories of working motherhood, recipes, style, and more! I can’t start my day without coffee and always try to show the real side of motherhood – the good and the challenging. I’m so glad you’re here – thanks for following along on my journey!

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