Real Thoughts.

It seems like it’s just meant to be a blah kind of week around here.  I tend to be a pretty positive person, but I’m having one of those weeks where I just can’t seem to be.  Nothing in particular is going wrong, but it just seems like nothing is going right.

Window Traffic

I just feel like we’re not getting anywhere lately.  We just seem to be going through the motions, trying to better ourselves and our situation and just not moving forward.  I’m getting tired of it – tired of feeling stuck in the same place.

I do pretty much the same thing at work all day, every day.  My position doesn’t really allow me to take on the things I’m interested in, and there’s all this bureaucracy that seems to separate departments.  It’s frustrating when you can see the opportunities for improvement, but you can’t do anything about it because of all the red tape you’d have to get through.  It’s one of the things I miss about working for a small company versus a large one – the higher ups at a smaller company are easier to access and in general more willing to let you try new things.  I just feel stuck right now.  I adore my boss, and I love so many of my coworkers, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes if there’s something else I’m meant to do.  I really like the company I work for and think they are great at some things, but it’s hard for anyone in my department to move up or even to a different department.  It’s been a bit of a downer lately and I sometimes wish things were different.

At home, it’s been the same routine all the time.  Summer allows us to go outside more, but I also know the heat is only going to get worse.  I do the same things all the time – come home from work, cook dinner, meal plan, go to the grocery store…and it all blurs together.  I feel like I’m always doing things for my family, and it’s hard to find time for myself.  I really want and need that – I want to make myself better.  I need to make myself better, because it’ll only benefit my family.  I just don’t know how, when, and what.

Underneath all the positivity, I carry stress.  I carry worry.  I worry about everything, and sometimes I worry about things to the point that I can’t think about them or I’ll have nightmares.  If I happen to find myself on a stressful subject and start getting worked up, I have to actively focus my mind on something else so I don’t get to that point.  When did this happen?  When did I become such a worrier?  I was even like this before Abbie, so I can’t even say it was her.

I just feel like at this point in my life, I should be farther along.  I should be more successful.  We should be making more money.  We should be able to take vacations (we haven’t really had one since our honeymoon).  We shouldn’t have to worry about spending hours in traffic depending on where we decide to live (sometimes I hate the DC area for this reason alone).  I shouldn’t have to be paying off my student loans for the next 30 years.  And that’s just a snapshot – I feel like there’s so many things I should be doing better at, and I’m just not.

I don’t really know what’s bringing all of this up today – maybe it’s that I graduated high school 12 years ago today.  At that point, I had so many dreams for my life, and it all ended up differently than I expected.  It’s hard to not get caught up in what I thought would be sometimes.

I try to appreciate all the good things I have – most notably, my husband and daughter, my family, my in-laws, my best friends – but sometimes I just have a rough couple of days.  I’m sure that happens to everyone and I’m not alone…but it’s hard to talk about.

So that’s where I’m at this week…if you made it this far, thanks for reading my rambles.  I’m hoping I can get myself out of this funk sooner rather than later.

About Jess

About Jess

Jess Beer is a full-time working mom of two girls who writes about motherhood, wellness, easy meals and style.

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10 Responses

  1. Praying for you guys, Jess. Know these feelings and stresses all too well. I think it helps to not feel guilty when we have those down days – too often people will tell me the answer is just to think of all the other people who have it worse, but all that does is just make me feel crappy for feeling crappy, and that doesn’t help. It also helps to know we’re not alone in whatever our struggle, that others have dealt with it or are dealing with it, too.

    {{hugs}}

    1. You’re too sweet – thank you. I know exactly what you mean…I hate feeling crappy about feeling crappy – what good does that do for anyone?? Thanks for the hugs and support. <3

  2. Sending you a virtual hug today! I am always living in the well when we get to x we can do y. I try to stay in the moment but I worry about the future a lot. Especially right now. I feel stuck in limbo while waiting to get this house built. I don’t want to set up too many routines or plans or roots because everything is temporary right now. I guess I don’t have any great advise just to say I feel you. I was where you are a few weeks ago. The summer weather helps brighten my mood — I hope it helps you too (before it gets too hot!). Hang in there. I also appreciate you being honest. Sometimes in blogger land it seems we have to just say the sunshiney things. It’s nice to see the other side because we are all real people 🙂

    1. Thanks honey! I think we all just have those days (or weeks) that we feel this way. I never want to be the blogger that glosses over things, but there’s a fine line between putting it all out there and telling the truth. I was actually a little nervous to post this, but once I got it all out, I knew I needed to.

  3. Sending you a super big virtual hug! I know how exactly how you feel (especially with the part about not being where you thought you would be – I graduated 14 years ago, and I’m definitely not where I thought I was going to be at all). I’ve found that after I had both girls, my anxiety levels went way up, I have a notebook that I use and everytime I find myself getting worked up/overwhelmed with things, I write in it. Just free flow writing about anything and everything on my mind. And I don’t go back and read it. I just get it out so that I can focus on other things. Hopefully you start to feel happier, and if you ever need to vent/talk or anything, feel free to email me!

    1. Thanks so much for your support hon! I’ve done notebooks like that in the past and somehow just gotten away from it…I need to get back to it!

  4. Huge hug, mama. Life can be so overwhelming sometimes — and not just when things get busy. I think it’s even worse when things feel stagnant. And you won’t feel this way forever, as I’m sure you’re aware. Someday you’ll look back on this post and smile because if you hadn’t gotten to today the exact way that you have, you wouldn’t get to the amazing place you’ll be down the road. I know that doesn’t do jack shit for the here and now, but think back to other times you’ve felt this way. It always gets better. And for the here and now, do your best to find joy in the little things. (So much of this response sounds clichéd but I truly do mean every word!) You’ll be outta this funk soon, I’m sure. Hang in there.

    1. Thank you – you’re so right, it is worse when things are stagnant. Thankfully I’m already feeling a bit better today, and hopefully it goes up from here <3

  5. Blah, I was feeling the same way this week, too! Is it something in the water? I know nothing I say can really truly help, but keep your head up. This too shall pass!

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I’m Jess! I’m a working mama of two sweet sisters living in the DC area. This is my space to share inspiration, real stories of working motherhood, recipes, style, and more! I can’t start my day without coffee and always try to show the real side of motherhood – the good and the challenging. I’m so glad you’re here – thanks for following along on my journey!

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