I have been absent recently, but honestly, it isn’t because anything is wrong. In fact, it’s been the opposite. Coming to this place used to be an escape for me – a place to write, be myself, and get away from all the things I didn’t love – to get away from the job I felt stuck in, mostly. In the past 6 months, that has done such a complete 180 that it’s shocked me. I’m busy in all the best ways, and this little blog of mine has gone from a refuge to a place that I only go when I have time and want to come.
Honestly, it’s been kind of freeing, not having a schedule or deadlines – just writing when I want to write, when I choose to take on a project, when I want to share. I’ve been spending so much more time on things I used to push off – reading and relaxing, mostly.
While this year I will hit 9 years blogging in one form or another, I have felt for a long time that I don’t “fit” in the blog world anymore. My friend Jen wrote about similar feeling recently, and I’m feeling so many of the same things.
I’m not the typical mom blogger in terms of appearance – I don’t wear size small and certainly don’t have the time (or money) to buy new outfits all the time. I don’t scour sales constantly to give you links to all the things you “NEED” in your closet. I have tried and true things in my closet that I adore and wear over and over again. I trust Stitch Fix to give me the missing pieces in my closet and I don’t see that changing anytime soon – it’s too convenient! I share when I find something I love, not just for the sake of sharing.
I’m not a SAHM and have absolutely no interest in being one – I’m just not wired that way. I believe that some people are, and some people aren’t. I love my girls, but I know I’m a better mom when I’m not with them 24/7.
I am Jewish, unlike almost every other mom blogger I know. I think I can name only 2-3 others who are Jewish. I usually completely skip posts of others that are Christian based, since I just can’t relate, and it isn’t what I believe in. I’m also in the unique position of being in an interfaith marriage (and family), and one day I’d love to share more of that. I have really been holding myself back there, and it’s time that stopped. If I’m going to be writing, I want to connect everywhere I came from to where I am now.
I am right on the edge of plus sized, and though I have been fighting with myself to be healthier, it’s a constant battle in my life. I try over and over again to get on track, but it’s always going to be hard for me. I’ve picked myself up countless times, started over countless times. I’m confident that one day it’s all going to stick – but if it’s not today, that’s okay. I’ll keep going, and that’s what matters to me.
Basically, that “blogger” mold doesn’t fit me, and I’ve decided I’m completely done trying to make it. I’m going to come to this space when I want to and when I’m inspired. I’m going to get back to writing more of what I love. More and more, I want to share what a real, full life looks like – the messes, the joys, the crazy moments, the failures, the days you feel on top of the world, and the days you feel defeated. The days that are perfectly ordinary in all the best ways. We need more realism in this crazy internet world of ours.
I’m done being anyone but myself, and I hope you’ll stick around for it.