Dad Post: We’re Important

One day last week, Chris came home ranting and raving about this video and insisting I watch it.  Jenny McCarthy’s in it, so I automatically knew where this was going.  I know a lot of people like her, but I can’t stand Jenny McCarthy for a lot of reasons.  Neither can Chris.  He showed me this clip and continued to rant about it until I told him to write it down.  After all, we don’t often hear from the dads in blogworld, so it’s important to hear their thoughts.  Here he is – but make sure you watch the video for a sec to see what he’s talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1SZEIytgSA

This had me going insane today.  I was ranting for almost an hour before Jess just said, “write it out and I’ll post it on my blog.”  First off, single mothers are amazing.  Without a doubt it has to be one of the hardest things to do… and single fatherhood for that matter (a co-worker of mine is a single father).  Because our children come from both of us, it is only natural that they need what both of us have to offer.  Children of single parents are no less likely to be successful, but I’m willing to wager that if they had a choice deep down they would really wish they had two parents.  There is a hole there, no matter how deep its buried.

This gets me to this video of actor Terry Crews talking about the importance of fatherhood and I agree with him 1000%.  The reasoning goes beyond our basic classical definitions of mother and father.  Crews is talking about male influence and what they can do for you, how they help define children and give them confidence.  I’m pretty open-minded, okay with gay marriage and all that, but what Crews is talking about is the importance of a fatherly influence.  There is no replacement for that.  The world is what it is and we adapt as best we can and we support our family and friends in everything they do.  It is beyond clear the importance of fathers and fatherhood.  I know that I give Abbie something that Jess cannot, and vice versa.  I know that as her Daddy she is going to get a different kind of joy and acceptance and confidence from me versus what Jess will give her.  One isn’t worse than another, its just different and equally important.

Family Selfie

What angers me so much about Jenny McCarthy in this clip (and in general) is her complete dismissal of what Crews is trying to say.  There is definitely a strain of feminism personified by McCarthy that truly believes moms can give their children absolutely everything they need and that fathers aren’t needed.  This is incredibly frustrating to me, knowing that there is already a chronic problem in society of fathers not standing up and taking care of their families.  Women like McCarthy only further the narrative that men can skate away scot-free of their responsibilities to their children.  Crews goes out of his way to try and say this is not about pitting mothers against fathers into a contest about which is more important.  He’s arguing both are vital and McCarthy’s rejection of that drives me crazy … and it really drives me crazy because she’s a woman of significant wealth.  This is an important distinction, and one that one of the other ladies mentioned, because I’m willing to bet most moms who are single mothers don’t necessarily want to be single moms.  They are single moms due to various circumstances, working hard to support their kids, but nobody will ever convince me that a father isn’t necessary.  McCarthy is a millionaire who can actually afford to be a single parent without the hardships the regular single moms out there go through.

I know deep down that if something happened to me tomorrow Abbie would be fine.  Jess would take care of her and our family around us is strong enough to handle it.  I also know that there would be a hole in her soul for the rest of her life because her Dad was gone.  Hearing Jenny McCarthy say, “oh, I’m a single mom and Evan gets everything from me” in response to Crews talking about what Dads give their kids made me crazy.  Nobody is saying Jenny McCarthy or any single mother is a bad mother, but Crews is saying is there are important things children get that only their Dads (or a father figure) can give them.  Jenny McCarthy has used her single-motherhood and claims of curing autism to rebrand herself as a lifestyle/motherhood guru and it’s BS.  I just can’t take the girl from Singled Out seriously, I’m sorry.  This just proves it and to see these views spewed from a show like The View that so popular, it really needs to debunked.  I love being a Dad, Abbie and I have a connection that only we do.  She has one with Jess, but its different.  McCarthy is basically saying she can give her son anything a Dad can and it’s BS.  It might not be as readily apparent to her because she’s so rich she can afford to give him a comfortable lifestyle, but it will manifest itself somewhere, somehow.  I’m going to be who shows how a man is supposed to treat a woman to Abbie by how I treat Jess.  I’m her first impression of what a man should be and Jess could not replace that if I were gone.

Bottom line, Moms and Dads are equal but different.  People who have to raise kids as single parents are saints, but they generally don’t have McCarthy’s wealth to help ease that burden.  Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

I’d love to hear what you guys think of the clip.  Do you agree with Chris?  Do you disagree?  I just ask that you keep any comments cordial and do not attack – I will delete any comments that do.

About Jess

About Jess

Jess Beer is a full-time working mom of two girls who writes about motherhood, wellness, easy meals and style.

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9 Responses

  1. Agreed. Fathers are so so so important, and while we can survive with single parents, that’s not how it was intended. There is that hole. And I am so sick of this latest narrative in our culture that tries to rule men as insignificant, worthless, and easily discarded.

  2. A friend of mine from college lost her husband in a plane crash when she was pregnant with their first child. She has raised a delighful little boy on her own for 6 years. I can’t sit here and say that little boy has been denied something essential when he’s never known what it is to have a father. His grandfathers, uncles, cousins and his mother’s male friends have all been fantastic influences, even though they cannot replace a father. I agree that fatherhood is very, very important, but understand where the backlash is coming from. It comes from women with disappointing experiences with their own fathers, whether dad was emotionally or physically absent. Many women find themselves trying (or wanting) to raise kids mostly on their own. Who wants to hear that your own kids are at a disadvantage? Fathers are important, but fatherless (or motherless) children still have the opportunity to thrive – they are not fundamentally broken.

    1. Thanks for responding … I actually think this is the perfect example of what I’m trying to talk about here. Too often its becoming a competition, fathers versus mothers or married mothers versus single mothers. The key sentence is that the little boy has amazing male influences. What Crews was saying, and I was trying to convey my agreement with, is that a father or a father figure, is vital. Circumstances dealt that boy and his Mom a tough hand by what happened to his Dad but it sounds like there are a lot of great male role models and influences around him to go to for what he he needs some male guidance or advice or conversations.

      I want to make sure everyone knows that I’m not saying kids can’t be great people in a single family, and that isn’t want Crews was saying. Its having a father-figure around that is important.

  3. I hate Jenny McCarthy so much. I want to slap her stupid face.

    I totally agree that there needs to be a father figure in every kids life. If there isn’t, there is a lack SOMEWHERE within them. A need that hasn’t been met. I think single moms/dads are amazing, but I agree with Terry, there needs to be a father figure somewhere. Mine wasn’t super there and supportive for me when I was growing up, so in a lot of ways, I looked to my best friend’s dad as a father figure. I’m glad I did, because he’s awesome.

  4. I’m just going to be honest and say that I don’t really get why there is even a backlash. Can anyone reasonably explain this to me??? A man steps up and says, “It’s important for all kids to have a man/father figure in their life” and people get offended?? What am I missing here? I must be the crazy one because for the life of me, I can’t understand why there would be backlash from Crew’s statement. I have to worry about sending my child off to school without getting shot but we’re going to make this an issue? Priorities. Once again, it’s JM stirring the pot and making a stink over nothing, per the usual. Maybe she should just stick to what she knows best {Playboy and irresponsible anti-vaccine advocacy} and leave the reasonable and sensible brain power to the rest of us.

    Sorry…I don’t have much tolerance or respect for her.

  5. Wonderfully written! How fun that Mr. Beer is posting! I’ve had Conor do it once…I should get him on the blog again soon.

  6. Amen. I hate that fathers are given a short stick today, because they are so powerful and influential in a child’s life. I watched a segment (I actually think it was The View and I’m pretty positive Jenny wasn’t on then—thank goodness) and it was a husband and wife actor due on (no idea who they were), but the wife was saying that the husband was an excellent father and got up in the middle of the night with the baby, changed diapers, etc. The audience started clapping and the view crew started praising him. He stood up and told them to stop acknowledging him, because he was doing his role as a parent. I loved that. Dad should be parents, not babysitters. Sorry, I’m sure I got away from your actual point, but I just hate seeing dads thrown to the curb and not given a chance to be a parent.

  7. I can’t even stomach watching the whole video. Dads are immensely important. I am terribly jealous o people who had involved fathers, and I know I would have had a much easier time as a teenager and in young adulthood if I had a good relationship with my dad. My mother is wonderful, but I needed that affirmation and modeling from my dad as well.

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I’m Jess! I’m a working mama of two sweet sisters living in the DC area. This is my space to share inspiration, real stories of working motherhood, recipes, style, and more! I can’t start my day without coffee and always try to show the real side of motherhood – the good and the challenging. I’m so glad you’re here – thanks for following along on my journey!

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