“Mommy Guilt”

Motherhood comes with a whole host of emotions – love, fear, nervousness…but there’s one you start experiencing the moment you see the positive on that pregnancy test.

Guilt.

At least for me, it started the moment the “Pregnant” came up.  Was I healthy enough for this?  Had I been giving my baby enough nutrients to grow?  Was I ready to provide for my baby?  Would I be a good mom?  Would my baby be healthy?  Would I make the right decisions for her?  I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m a worrier by nature, but I know this feeling won’t ever go away.  It’s just one of those things about motherhood that we impose on ourselves.

Mommy Guilt creeps in at so many times.  I started to make a list, but to be honest, it wouldn’t end.  I’d be sitting here typing forever, constantly thinking of other ways I feel guilty about what we’re doing in raising our daughter.  So how to deal with it?

There’s no easy answer to it, but what I do is let myself feel it for a moment.  If I’m having a rough day at work and wishing I was home with Abbie for a minute, I let myself feel sad for a minute…and then I move on.  I know for a fact that I’m doing the best I can for her, and feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to help her.  Working hard and planning things to do as a family?  That helps Abbie.  Being in the moment with her when I’m playing with her?  She loves that.

I also try to focus on the things I’m most proud of with her and I know I’ve given her the best.  We chose to cloth diaper, and her sensitive skin has been better for it.  We did baby-led weaning, and she now eats with us as a family.  It was so important to me once I had a family to have dinner together each night, since my family always did.  Abbie’s been sleeping in her room from day one – and she has a sense of independence I admire.  She loves to be outside, so we hit the playground as often as we can.  They’re the things we’re doing right.  I try to focus on that instead of the guilt.

Abbie and Flower

 

About Jess

About Jess

Jess Beer is a full-time working mom of two girls who writes about motherhood, wellness, easy meals and style.

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15 Responses

    1. There is, and I’m sure to varying degrees. It hits me hard sometimes, but other times its minimal. Depends on your situation, I guess!

  1. Amen! You’re doing an awesome job! I need to keep reminding myself of this all the time too – he’s fine! Great, actually. We’re doing good with this one!

  2. I’m going through this with my 8 1/2 month old. He’s not even my first born…I have a 9 year old so you’d think I was over this. I think it’s in our nature as mothers…we can’t help but feel a little guilty.

    I work from home, so those times when I put my son down to play by himself while I work (in the same room), I still feel guilty about not focusing 100% on him. But, I’m slowly re-learning that I need to focus on the positive things. He is learning some independence when I give him his alone playtime and also how to entertain himself.

    I appreciate this post! I’m a new visitor to your blog, but I’ll be sure to return.

    1. See, and here I am thinking it’ll get easier! Give yourself a break though – you’re still with him, but (I’m assuming) you need to work to provide for him, and that gives him and your older child a great example of how to balance motherhood and work. Glad you found me!

  3. Such a great way to look at it! Easier said than done but a really good way to look at it. I wish I had read this yesterday because it was one of those big guilt days! 🙂

    1. Definitely easier said than done. Remind me of this post when I’m having a bad day?

  4. You really only mentioned that your guilt is coming from internally, but if people around you (bloggers, facebook people, instagram, news articles) increase the guilt, I would encourage you to consider cutting it out of your life. I’ve unsubscribed from a ton of blogs that don’t make me feel “good” about the way I parent or just being a parent in general. I also deleted people off of FB, instagram, and stay away from news articles like “are you mom enough?”. It’s not worth my time. I’ve gotten very “delete happy” some days 🙂

    1. Haha, knowing you, I’m not surprised! Mine is pretty much self-imposed though – I try not to care about what others are doing, unless I want to do it too!

  5. I forgot how much guilt I used to feel when I was pregnant!! It’s so much easier for me to dismiss the guilt now that I get to see Mia, hold her, kiss her and know that she’s thriving (it’s harder to see the proof when my belly is the only thing I can see!)

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I’m Jess! I’m a working mama of two sweet sisters living in the DC area. This is my space to share inspiration, real stories of working motherhood, recipes, style, and more! I can’t start my day without coffee and always try to show the real side of motherhood – the good and the challenging. I’m so glad you’re here – thanks for following along on my journey!

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