Today I went back to work after a lot of unexpected time off. After the stomach bug
that hit us last week, I worked Wednesday and a snowstorm
hit that night. Thursday my office was closed, Friday daycare was closed due to the weather, and yesterday daycare was already scheduled closed due to President’s Day. So I was home for 5 days…and you know what I learned from it?
I am not SAHM material.
I know, I know….it’s supposed to be the dream to be able to be a stay at home mom. There are people that will disagree with me, but it’s been kind of glorified as of late. A lot of moms I know would love to stay at home with their kids. They would love to be able to be with them 24/7. This may make me sound like a bad mom…but I don’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter more than anything. She’s an amazing little girl and I love that when I look at her I see both me and Chris. She’s sweet and funny and (in my biased opinion) beautiful…but sometimes, she’s just a pain in the butt. She throws tantrums. She refuses to nap. She gets into the pantry for the millionth time and brings me random things she wants (usually her animal crackers). You know what I was thinking most of the day yesterday? That I wanted to go to work.
I wanted to get in the office and tackle the to-do list I knew was waiting for me. I wanted time without screaming and crying to think. I wanted to eat my lunch at lunchtime, not whenever Abbie decided to give me a break. I missed my coworkers, I missed the news of what was going on in the office. I missed my drive to work, my morning coffee, and my to-do lists. I missed work while I was home with my baby.
Before I had kids, I used to think I’d want to stay home. I thought that was the dream – it’s so glorified nowadays as the most important thing you can do for your kids. I think in the race to always be the best we can be, SAHMs and working moms have created a battleground about which is better. On this side of the fence, it seems that SAHMs are often seen as more valuable…but isn’t a happy mom the most valuable?
Isn’t it more important that I’m genuinely excited to spend time with Abbie when I get home from work than it would be to be home with her and not putting my 100% into our time together? Isn’t it more important that she sees a mom that’s happy and fulfilled at the end of the day? When I come home from work, I always feel I’ve accomplished something at the end of the day. When I have a day off, I often wonder where the day went (since I’ve spent it chasing Abbie around versus accomplishing things). I thrive off completing tasks and adult interaction. I work hard to be my best self each day, both at work and at home. If I was a stay at home mom, I don’t know if I’d have the same drive. I don’t know if I’d be my best self, my best mother, and my best wife.
|Making mischief with her pal Justin at our playdate yesterday
If we won the lottery tomorrow? I know I’d still work in some capacity. I’d still need that sense of accomplishment that’s mine and mine alone. One that’s tied to only myself and not my family. People say you can’t have it all, and have been saying that for ages. I disagree – I think you CAN have it all, but ALL is different for everyone. You have to define what “all” means to you. My all includes working, a family, and time for myself. Yours might include staying home with your kids. Someone else’s may not include kids but may include a houseful of pets.
And you know what? THAT’S OK. It’s okay that we have different ideas on what our all is. It’s okay that we need different things out of parenthood, and that we have limitations. It’s all okay.
|This was yesterday’s meltdown…also seen on instagram. No clue what she was upset about!